Graduation prep thoughts

Graduation is almost upon me.

On one hand I am excited.
But..
On the other, this is the world that I have immersed myself in for the last 2 years.
I have changed so much in that time, I don't know exactly how to function in the outside world anymore. Class, homework, practicum, eat, sleep, shower- repeat. My divorce changed my life. I have set goals and am about to accomplish them, and it feels good.

 But.. What do I do Now? Change is coming. That's okay. I need to figure it out. I know I need to find a job, and apartment ,all that grown up stuff. Thankfully, I am not in debt. Where to live, what to do, its up to me! My parents are supportive, I know whatever I chose they will accept.

Graduation.. is in the evening. Graduation Party?? I am so torn. I kind of want one, and yet I really dislike parties. I would like to just curl up and read a book the next day.  But, I want to be recognized for getting this program done. At the same time, I don't like being the center of attention and all the stress that comes with the parties. What to do?  Any recommendations? Also, my parents are moving so doing anything at the house is not a good option. And remember, I'm not working yet so , my finances are tight.

I know some of my extended family would like the opportunity to celebrate my accomplishments with me. They know I worked hard to get this degree done. (sigh) Its not all about me, even though this post kind of sounds like it. :(

The grades are in.....

Well the grades are in....

 I had one class that I was very concerned about. So when I got an email letting me know the grades were up, I was a bit concerned. So do you want to know how I did?
 I pulled straight A's. Even the linguistics class that I was struggling to understand.

With all the stuff that has been happening these last few months,I would have been content with B's. The only problem that I have now is I have set the bar high for myself.

The second year ASL students graduated this evening. I realized that I have literally a year left. I am going to get healthy for graduation. More to follow on that thought..

Finals&1year anniversary

I have no time to post about finals .

1 have 1 more to go. I can do this!


On a Different note.

It has been a year since my Mom lost her hearing. I am so proud of her. She continues to learn and  just keeps moving forward. Yes, I am an adult, but she is still my Mommy.
I have continued to learn ASL, she has withdrawn from the program because of the nerve damage that occurred at the same time as her hearing loss. I keep practicing my homework  with her at home so she learns more ASL.


I don't feel as stressed about leaving now. When she 1st lost her hearing, I thought I would never feel comfortable enough to leave home again. I was wrong. I feel like she has enough independence now for the most part that I can leave home when I graduate. My Dad is getting better at understanding all the nuances of deafness in my mom. (yes I did leave deafness lowercase, he isn't in the Deaf community, but mom is...) I feel like now they can cope, last year I wasn't so sure.

Life has been a rollercoaster this year, and while there were ups and downs, I am learning to be thankful in all of it. (its not easy). Soon I will add one more update to make it clear why this was not the easiest year for me. Soon.

To my family who might be reading this: Thank you for your support and understanding through these transitions.

 

waiting

This is a bit more than I normally share with you. But I felt like maybe someone else needed to hear it too.


Waiting is hard.
I have a hard time waiting for directions from God. Sometimes. What to do, where to go, what is my next step? I keep asking. "Pray without ceasing." I can do that, and often do. I am a work in progress .
"Patience is a Virtue"- I work on practicing patience.

 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path"-Proverbs 3:5-6

I am leaning heavily on this verse. Trusting in God sounds easy, its not always. I don't understand some things, but, I know that God has a way better plan than I could ever imagine.

Sometimes the things that you think are a given are far from it. People can betray, trust can be broken, hurt happens. But God still is there.


 I am waiting for a piece of mail. Waiting again. Its Hard! Once that piece of mail comes I can finish this chapter and start a new one. I will also be able to share with anyone who actually reads this what I am being so cryptic about.


If you would these next few weeks, keep me in your thoughts. This part of the journey is bumpy.
I still have to survive my finals and whatever else happens.

Pax

Sunday (I don't know what to title this!)

Today is Sunday. Thank you God. Normally I just go to the church next door. After all, its my "home" church, however this week I am going somewhere different. I am going to try somewhere new. My plan is to try several different churches in the upcoming weeks.

I got up early with mom  to pick up snacks in town, I have been up almost 3hours at this point.

I am excited for Church. I know ,I know.. this should be a weekly thing but let me be brutally honest.

 (Disclaimer: This is not aimed at anyone specifically at my church its just me needing to "talk it out")  ( WARNING  small rant )

Some Sundays, Church is just part of the job description. Being a PK even as an adult has some implied requirements.

I am expressing an opinion
If you are a PK this might ring true- "If you live at home you are expected to have your happy little self(no matter your age) in the church pews for worship with your family. "

Its not a stated expectation by most people in the church, but it can certainly have a negative outcome if the expectation is not met.

The other way this can go is that people just ignore the fact you are there, if you are missing they don't ask "you" the person who is gone, but rather, your parent or someone you know.

I don't think it is meant to come across the way it does. It comes across to me (my opinion) as if "you" the person are not important enough to email or ask yourself.( sometimes it makes sense to ask a family member, I understand that)

I am in a weird situation at the moment.  I can't use some of my spiritual gifts, my life is going through some changes and because of the dynamics of the group I can't share it. It is frustrating.

This turned more into a rant than I was planning.

If you made it through all of that please realize most days its not that bad. God is good, and his grace is Amazing. I have an amazing set of parents who love me no matter what. Their only request is that I do go to "A" church at some point during the week.

If you would take the time this week to pray for me, some things are coming to a close and just maybe there is a door opening.

Pax

 

I know...

I know I have been lax about writing recently. The 1st couple of weeks of school were not easy . I don't say this as an excuse, just a fact.

Today I got to meet up with an old friend that I haven't seen in close to 9 years. God is awesome. We talked and talked, it felt like we had never been apart. It was so wonderful to be able to speak my mind and heart with worrying about judgment or condemnation. I hadn't realized how much I had missed her. We talked about her life and some things she is dealing with, and how God is doing incredible things in the background even if we can't always see it.  We talked about change, family and of course Faith.  We both have struggles that are similar but very different. I gave her some counsel, learned, on my end, the hard way. I wouldn't trade the learning process,but if I can help her avoid some of the painful steps along the way....

God is good, and I am grateful for his Grace.

Pax

Update

So its that time again. Classes officially start Saturday..But the online one I can already access.

• All my books except one are on my shelf, labeled for which day and class
• I am frantically searching for my planner so I can color code all the classes.
• I have the schedule posted so my family knows where to find me at any given time. 
• Dad and I have figured out the car thing for the semester. 
• Mom and I have the menus at least outlined -subject to change
• I know all but 2 of my instructors
• I know where all my classrooms are located
• I am so excited to see my friends
• Scheduled study hours 
• Posted them
• Found out where the gym was as I am taking a gym class
• In the process of getting organized

Can you tell I am ready for school to start :)

On the other hand, change is coming and that is difficult.

Seasons

Life is a series of different seasons:

Some seasons are easy, others, very difficult.

The seasons change- We are supposed to change and grow too

When is not up to us, we don't control the seasons.

How we react to the seasons is a different matter entirely.

A season is a period of time. A time for everything.

Time can fly or creep by, use the time you have wisely, you do not have any idea how long a "season" can be.

Occasionally, in the Midwest, you can see the seasons changing; the weather is different, the ground is being tilled, plants planted. Symptoms of a season of change and growth.

Personal seasons are more challenging to acknowledge. I am getting there. What do I want to be as a grown up? More importantly, what does God want me to do/be?  I have been wrestling with the answer for a while…

 Seasons change and the Bible even talks about it.

One of my favorite verse is Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, I only posted part of it.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

There is a time for everything,

And a season for every activity under the heavens: