waiting

This is a bit more than I normally share with you. But I felt like maybe someone else needed to hear it too.


Waiting is hard.
I have a hard time waiting for directions from God. Sometimes. What to do, where to go, what is my next step? I keep asking. "Pray without ceasing." I can do that, and often do. I am a work in progress .
"Patience is a Virtue"- I work on practicing patience.

 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path"-Proverbs 3:5-6

I am leaning heavily on this verse. Trusting in God sounds easy, its not always. I don't understand some things, but, I know that God has a way better plan than I could ever imagine.

Sometimes the things that you think are a given are far from it. People can betray, trust can be broken, hurt happens. But God still is there.


 I am waiting for a piece of mail. Waiting again. Its Hard! Once that piece of mail comes I can finish this chapter and start a new one. I will also be able to share with anyone who actually reads this what I am being so cryptic about.


If you would these next few weeks, keep me in your thoughts. This part of the journey is bumpy.
I still have to survive my finals and whatever else happens.

Pax

Sunday (I don't know what to title this!)

Today is Sunday. Thank you God. Normally I just go to the church next door. After all, its my "home" church, however this week I am going somewhere different. I am going to try somewhere new. My plan is to try several different churches in the upcoming weeks.

I got up early with mom  to pick up snacks in town, I have been up almost 3hours at this point.

I am excited for Church. I know ,I know.. this should be a weekly thing but let me be brutally honest.

 (Disclaimer: This is not aimed at anyone specifically at my church its just me needing to "talk it out")  ( WARNING  small rant )

Some Sundays, Church is just part of the job description. Being a PK even as an adult has some implied requirements.

I am expressing an opinion
If you are a PK this might ring true- "If you live at home you are expected to have your happy little self(no matter your age) in the church pews for worship with your family. "

Its not a stated expectation by most people in the church, but it can certainly have a negative outcome if the expectation is not met.

The other way this can go is that people just ignore the fact you are there, if you are missing they don't ask "you" the person who is gone, but rather, your parent or someone you know.

I don't think it is meant to come across the way it does. It comes across to me (my opinion) as if "you" the person are not important enough to email or ask yourself.( sometimes it makes sense to ask a family member, I understand that)

I am in a weird situation at the moment.  I can't use some of my spiritual gifts, my life is going through some changes and because of the dynamics of the group I can't share it. It is frustrating.

This turned more into a rant than I was planning.

If you made it through all of that please realize most days its not that bad. God is good, and his grace is Amazing. I have an amazing set of parents who love me no matter what. Their only request is that I do go to "A" church at some point during the week.

If you would take the time this week to pray for me, some things are coming to a close and just maybe there is a door opening.

Pax

 

Thinking thoughts

I am coming to the end of yet another chapter in my life. Its ok. I am making it work. God has control. I will be ready to post about this change soon.

 I have about a month left in this semester. I still have 2 regular sememster left + this summer for one class.(sociology) So I graduate in May of 2016!!

I am trying to decide where home is.
As an Army Brat this is a concept that I am having a hard time deciding where that location is. I can go anywhere in the USA.

ANYWHERE! I can live in a small town or a metropolis. I do know I want somewhere warm, not freezing,I need to be near the ocean or the mountians or  some type of intersting geography. I am not a fan of the Flat Land Praire! I would prefer somwhere with a reasonable metro system OR roads that make logical sense. (read laid out by the Army Corp of Engineers or simmilair) I would like to be near a millitary installation, (I think) I just dont know.

Or I could stick around IL for a little longer and finish my BA. I really dont want to but.. I might.

For now its just up in the air and thankfully God knows the plans.

Easter

I'm feeling better now. I did need Easter morning. :)

The day continues. I got a "new" bed. I have most of my homework finished. I have some fun plans for tomorrow. School. Applying for a Job..  Starting a new eating plan to help me get healthy. I have a 5k planned and I am already looking at a 1/2 marathon. I don't plan on being the fastest but I do plan to move it.

I am excited to see what happens in the next few months, they sure look like they are going to be a whirlwind.

A few thoughts

It's the night before Easter

People are all excited. The outfits are all picked out.The shoes, accessories are planned. Many people have family coming to visit.  Its a great time in the church, for we all knows what comes in the morning. There is a full day tomorrow planned for many people. The Church is going to be super busy. There are 2 services ,a breakfast, and family activities. Fun, Family and Friends. Sounds Great!


Not! I just don't feel good. I really don't feel well at all. Partly like I have a bug. But I also have a case of the blues. Tomorrow is Easter. Yippee... Not!.  I really don't feel like celebrating. I know there is a good reason to celebrate in the morning. But.. I just want to sleep. I know part of the problem. I will shake this eventually. I am angry( which I am well aware is a secondary emotion). And its ok. I have every right to be angry and exhausted. A dear friend told me that "it will get better. But, you have to allow yourself to feel" she knows me way too well. I have been numb or ignoring my emotions on and off. The anger is not that hard to hide anymore. The sadness.. I learned how to smile through everything, thanks to a job I held. I am slowly healing. I think once certain things are done it will be easier. But tonight just seems hard. Holidays will be for a while I think. Maybe once things are all completed I will post about some of the stuff, but for now.. I just needed to vent. 

Tomorrow is Easter. I will be at Church, just like its expected of me. And my attitude in the morning will be better, probably. Tomorrow is Really an Important day for Christians around the world, including me. Its a day to Celebrate new beginnings, Jesus's resurrection and His triumph over evil  and what it means to each of us as individuals.

 So, while I am not in the mood, for Easter

Easter is exactly what I need.