Graduation prep thoughts

Graduation is almost upon me.

On one hand I am excited.
But..
On the other, this is the world that I have immersed myself in for the last 2 years.
I have changed so much in that time, I don't know exactly how to function in the outside world anymore. Class, homework, practicum, eat, sleep, shower- repeat. My divorce changed my life. I have set goals and am about to accomplish them, and it feels good.

 But.. What do I do Now? Change is coming. That's okay. I need to figure it out. I know I need to find a job, and apartment ,all that grown up stuff. Thankfully, I am not in debt. Where to live, what to do, its up to me! My parents are supportive, I know whatever I chose they will accept.

Graduation.. is in the evening. Graduation Party?? I am so torn. I kind of want one, and yet I really dislike parties. I would like to just curl up and read a book the next day.  But, I want to be recognized for getting this program done. At the same time, I don't like being the center of attention and all the stress that comes with the parties. What to do?  Any recommendations? Also, my parents are moving so doing anything at the house is not a good option. And remember, I'm not working yet so , my finances are tight.

I know some of my extended family would like the opportunity to celebrate my accomplishments with me. They know I worked hard to get this degree done. (sigh) Its not all about me, even though this post kind of sounds like it. :(

Wow! Time for an update!!

Hi everyone,
This semester has flown by so fast! I got very behind on blogging. I am sorry about that. I needed to focus on my grades. Today was my last final of the semester. We had to interpret part of a movie. It went okay. ( I have seen myself do better) My partner and I did part of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Prt 1-where dobby dies.

I decided to upload all my videos from class onto Facebook.It was nice to see my progression. It also gave me a chance to look at my different hair cuts :)

I already know my grade for one of my classes, I was surprised, it was higher than I expected . The rest of my grades, I should know by next week or so. This was a challenging semester, not hard per say, but challenging. There were some ups and downs, life continues to throw curves.

So updates : Mom saw a new doctor, he gave us DIFFERENT information. But in the end it looks like the insurance will be the deciding factor. Dad is still working. My sisters now live with us most of the time, I have yet another new niece.Now I am working on being a content single Christian women.

9/11 recount

Today is Sept 11th, I was trying to decide what to write.. I could ignore it, but that didn't seem right, I could address it but, would I trigger an issues for a reader? I decided that I needed to write down my story too, so if this is going to be a trigger for you, you have been warned!

9/11/2001  The events of that day changed a nation and the lives of many Americans, including mine.

I was just waking up( I was a teen), about to get ready for school when my parents walked in and turned on the TV. We hadn't lived in Alaska long, in fact, we had flown up early, we were supposed to have flown on September 11th. I am very thankful that we had already moved into housing.

I remember seeing the news, then watching in horror as the second plane hit, then the plane that flew into the pentagon. I couldn't comprehend what was happening. I ended up going back to bed. I couldn't function, I think many of my friends also skipped school that day.

I lived on a military installation. I knew that this horrifying event was going to change our "world", it did.  I think even then, before many people had the thought what it might mean for our country, war, that every military family knew that it was possible /probable. One of my first thoughts was "Dad is going to deploy again!! He didn't, he ended up being the Chaplain who was there for the families of the deployed soldiers.

There was a ton of prayer, and many tears. People were still trying to connect with loved ones in the lower 48. There were phone calls and limited internet due to the high usage. We were all affected, everyone knew someone.

The security was SOO high , the world(military) that I had grown up with changed overnight. Suddenly there were barricades in front of buildings, there were more ID checks, there was limited access to post. If you didn't need to be there, you couldn't enter. There were drills and training on what to do if the worst case scenario happened.   We all became more aware of everything, suddenly the gates were more reassuring. I knew they weren't perfect but they made me feel more confident. Some of these changes are still in affect, others have been lessened,but still exists.

Yes, our world did change because of 9/11 and we will never forget, there has been discussion online today about how do teachers approach the subject. Its my opinion that it should be approached with dignity and respect, understanding and maturity. BUT it is something that needs to be addressed. Someone once said " if you don't know history then you are doomed to repeat it". 9/11 changed the course of History, we the people who are living now have a responsibility to make sure it is a good story in the end. 

Yes, I listed a ton of negatives, but from 9/11 came some positives too. People got to know their neighbors, patriotism became recognizable again, Flags flew proudly, the military got strong, and Faith in God increased. So yes, it was a dark day in history, but the Light shone through the darkness and overcame it.


Pax

 

Someone once told me...

Someone once told me that the best way to deliver painful/difficult  news is just to take a deep breath look the person in the eyes and say it.

So I want you to pretend for a minuet that you can see my blue eyes and I just took a deep breath.

The reason this year has been challenging is because I was in the process of getting Divorced. My final papers came in the mail and I wasn't sure how I felt. I wasn't sure how people would react, the flack I would receive, the recrimination and/or the questions that will probably happen now that I have put it out there. Grief goes in stages, but sometimes its more like waves. I had to find my footing first.So, I held off posting anything on this blog.

Now I can tell you. God loves me, I love myself and my family has been very supportive. I believe that Gods plan is always perfect. I just wish I understood it sometimes.  I will not be doing any bashing on this blog. I am asking that you do not do any either.

When I started writing this blog I named it "Writing with Salt", I didn't realize everything salt could do. Salt can sting, help heal wounds, salt water is easier to float in ,tears are made of saltwater, and Salt makes the flavor come out.
Salt can be abrasive, it can be used to polish something.

God is still working on me, I am being polished.

Pax
 

Mothers Day

Today in the USA is Mothers day.

I have an awesome Mom. She has always rolled with the punches and life continues to throw them. She just keeps on going. This has not been the easiest year, and yet she still keeps at it. Life takes the 4P's ( Prayers, Practice, Perseverance, and Patience) according to my MOM. Her Faith hasn't been shaken. I am proud of her.

I also have people who I consider 2nd Moms. They are people who keep me grounded. You know who you are. Thank you. I email you out of the blue when life gets nuts, when there is too much drama and I need to vent, when the punches (life) knock's me on my butt and my mom doesn't have the life experience to understand. You just listen and then give me a hand back up. Thank you so much.

There are women of Faith who have no children that I consider "mom" too. Some of you have no idea that I think of you as Mom. You let me be a child when I was growing up too fast. You made sure I had a break in some of the most challenging times in my life.  I don't know if you will ever read this.

My life is not simple, but I am very blessed, by the strong women of faith who keep me on track.

Happy "Mothers" day.

Sunday (I don't know what to title this!)

Today is Sunday. Thank you God. Normally I just go to the church next door. After all, its my "home" church, however this week I am going somewhere different. I am going to try somewhere new. My plan is to try several different churches in the upcoming weeks.

I got up early with mom  to pick up snacks in town, I have been up almost 3hours at this point.

I am excited for Church. I know ,I know.. this should be a weekly thing but let me be brutally honest.

 (Disclaimer: This is not aimed at anyone specifically at my church its just me needing to "talk it out")  ( WARNING  small rant )

Some Sundays, Church is just part of the job description. Being a PK even as an adult has some implied requirements.

I am expressing an opinion
If you are a PK this might ring true- "If you live at home you are expected to have your happy little self(no matter your age) in the church pews for worship with your family. "

Its not a stated expectation by most people in the church, but it can certainly have a negative outcome if the expectation is not met.

The other way this can go is that people just ignore the fact you are there, if you are missing they don't ask "you" the person who is gone, but rather, your parent or someone you know.

I don't think it is meant to come across the way it does. It comes across to me (my opinion) as if "you" the person are not important enough to email or ask yourself.( sometimes it makes sense to ask a family member, I understand that)

I am in a weird situation at the moment.  I can't use some of my spiritual gifts, my life is going through some changes and because of the dynamics of the group I can't share it. It is frustrating.

This turned more into a rant than I was planning.

If you made it through all of that please realize most days its not that bad. God is good, and his grace is Amazing. I have an amazing set of parents who love me no matter what. Their only request is that I do go to "A" church at some point during the week.

If you would take the time this week to pray for me, some things are coming to a close and just maybe there is a door opening.

Pax

 

ASL & Java my thoughts for a paper preview.

Today I went to the "ASL& Java" in Brentwood, MO. 

If you haven't figured it out before I am a Christian. Today God was very obvious about what my future holds. Today confirmed many things for me. I had been waffling about the future a little, I knew God had a plan but today.. well I will let you see what I mean.

I got to meet so many different people. I'm only going to talk about 2 of them. I loved meeting all of them though.

 I met a lovely man who "happens" to have the degree, I want, in the "specific" field that I am going to go into. It was cool to pick his brain. We "talked" for a bit about what I want to do, and how long school would take. He told me approx. 10 years is a good estimate. But, that what I want to do is needed in the Deaf community and not to get discouraged when it gets hard. And it will. He recently lost his wife, and it is easy to see he still misses her. His eyes light up when he talked about her and how smart she was, they were married a long time 40 something years.(I do know the exact number)  He gave me his business card to get in contact with him. Then we officially started the "chat". He is very well known in the area, so I am not posting his name here. If he wants to identify himself that is his choice. But He is AWESOME!

During that time I "met" a lovely lady who grew up an Army Brat. I felt like we had a connection. BRAT's  normally do.  She told me a story about growing up and not having much help in school. she was mainstreamed and the teacher told her she was stupid. She is Definitely not stupid. We "talked" about living in different worlds( Cultures). She grew up in one then had to adjust to the others, the Deaf and Civilian. YES they are different. I am looking forward to seeing her in April.

One of the topics of discussion today was cued speech. We haven't talked about it much in classes, just in passing. It was interesting. I can see from the Deaf point of view the issues, from the Hearing side the benefits, and from my individual point of view the pros and cons, and maybe a few applications for late Deafened adults if their brains have a hard time learning ASL. ASL is a complete Language, but if you still can speak.. I can see a pro for it. But I understand a little of that controversy.

The moderator today made sure all of the student who were there had a chance to participate. She let the students have a chance to respond to questions with our own opinion and reasons for them. Everyone used their signing skills, even Mom. The group today was great, they were warm, welcoming and open to our questions. Many of the people who attended were retired, but still very involved in the local community. It was awesome to see how much difference of opinion there was, they argued with each other but they were still respectful. They were more casual in a way than my other event, I think. The lighting was great in the building , and the elevator was great for mom. It was easy to find and I will be going back soon.

Who's Birthday? Oh Mine

My birthday is this week. There have been so many other things on my mind that I didn't even remember until I looked in the bulletin at Church. Oops

Birthdays are important. But for me they come with issues. Enjoy life and the people you love.  I will be celebrating by not doing anything special except maybe going to the book store and getting a book, a cup of coffee and maybe a slice of cheesecake.