You were loved

Suicide.

Its a taboo word.

Its a phrase most  think will never affect their lives

The are wrong.

Suicide.

A permanent solution to a perceived permanent problem.

Someone I considered my older brother committed Suicide.

I am not sure how to process it.

He was a man of strong faith, of service to his country, a love of family …

Yet he committed Suicide

Those of us he left behind will mourn and wonder

But in the end all I can say is 

Rest in Peace my dear Friend. 

A long overdue update

Lets start with some good stuff

I have moved out of IL.

I have a wonderful family.


Todays post was really prompted by a need for a place to safely process emotions. The other post you will see today will explain why. 

My health is now* in decent shape.

The health thing is a bit complicated. I finally have an explanation to the hair loss, the tremor in my hands and other symptoms. Turns out I have an autoimmune condition called "Graves Disease". My thyroid was not working properly. I'm now on medications that are helping. Its autoimmune so it will never be "cured" just managed. Thankfully, currently everything seems to be falling into place related to my heath.

My parents are doing great, my husband is doing fine. I am almost ready to start exercising again. Now I have motivation to do so, and I think its time to do it. I have a life to live and so do you, its time to start living it fully.

Just do me a favor tonight and reach out to those you love and let them know, even if you haven't talked to them in a while. It might make all the difference in the world.

Pax

Hi everyone , Its been a while

Hi everyone. Its been a while since I updated this blog.

My family is doing okay, my grandfather died about 2 weeks ago, that was rough(but also okay), I have moved again, got married, and currently considering going back to finish my BA .


For the next month or so I am working on posting 3x a week. Today is day 1.

I decided to post things that made me think.  This is the first one that came to mind.


Proverbs 1-New International Version (NIV)

Purpose and Theme

1 The proverbs of Solomon son of David, king of Israel:

² for gaining wisdom and instruction;
    for understanding words of insight;
³ for receiving instruction in prudent behavior,
    doing what is right and just and fair;
⁴ for giving prudence to those who are simple,^[a]
    knowledge and discretion to the young—
⁵ let the wise listen and add to their learning,
    and let the discerning get guidance—
⁶ for understanding proverbs and parables,
    the sayings and riddles of the wise.^[b]

⁷ The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge,
    but fools^[c] despise wisdom and instruction.

American Election

Hey everyone. I know I have been gone and I picked a sticky day to start writing again.

Yesterday was the election. Today we may find out who the new President of the US will be.  I keep my opinions of each candidate to myself.

Right now I am more concerned for the American people. It won't matter who wins, there is going to be disappointment and disillusion. 

 As I look at the poles I see an America almost completely split in 2, and I am concerned for us as a Nation. One nation?.. It sure doesn't look like it.

So, today or whenever they actually announce who the president will be, do me a favor and be gentle. 

Because in my opinion America loses no matter who becomes president. We are a nation divided, 

God help us all.

Graduation prep thoughts

Graduation is almost upon me.

On one hand I am excited.
But..
On the other, this is the world that I have immersed myself in for the last 2 years.
I have changed so much in that time, I don't know exactly how to function in the outside world anymore. Class, homework, practicum, eat, sleep, shower- repeat. My divorce changed my life. I have set goals and am about to accomplish them, and it feels good.

 But.. What do I do Now? Change is coming. That's okay. I need to figure it out. I know I need to find a job, and apartment ,all that grown up stuff. Thankfully, I am not in debt. Where to live, what to do, its up to me! My parents are supportive, I know whatever I chose they will accept.

Graduation.. is in the evening. Graduation Party?? I am so torn. I kind of want one, and yet I really dislike parties. I would like to just curl up and read a book the next day.  But, I want to be recognized for getting this program done. At the same time, I don't like being the center of attention and all the stress that comes with the parties. What to do?  Any recommendations? Also, my parents are moving so doing anything at the house is not a good option. And remember, I'm not working yet so , my finances are tight.

I know some of my extended family would like the opportunity to celebrate my accomplishments with me. They know I worked hard to get this degree done. (sigh) Its not all about me, even though this post kind of sounds like it. :(

School/update

So I found my rythm for classes. I have 3 great instructors.


I will update about life and love in general in a few weeks.

End of December and Begining of Januaray Update part 1

Ready for a long read? 

I will try to keep it as concise as possible.

Christmas- It was incredibly quiet. We didn't decorate, no special food, nada. And  you know what? It was ok. I had a minor melt down just because life is changing, but that is part of what makes life interesting. My dad actually preached this Christmas eve, he didn't get sick.

Early January-I went to NYC for the first time. I fell in love with the city. I loved the metro system. It wasn't that hard to learn. I did learn a few important things about myself while I was there. I don't do big groups, or even medium groups when I am in a new city. I prefer small groups or just a few people. I explored at my own pace, I knew as soon as I landed that I would be coming back. So, I only did a few things. Other people felt like this was going to be their only trip and so they did as much as possible.

I found a few incredible places to get coffee, if you stay at the Q4 hostel, there is a place called "Our Café" coffee shop just up the block. Oh My.. It was so good. Better and cheaper than the chain with green straws. They had pastry's that were huge, I wish I had taken a picture. The ladies at the counter gave me some great advice on where to go and what to do.

I saw the High Line, Macys, the Empire State, and  Tiffany's.( I had a childhood flashback of when my father and I went to a diamond factory, and I asked how much I could spend, the answer was the same both times $0 ) Of course I saw Times Square, and explored all around there. There are a few places that I want to go find on my next trip. There is a bookstore that I missed :(

I found a fabric store and yes, I did bring home some for my mom. It was massive.

I took the train,(Amtrak) both there and back. I had mixed experiences.

On the way there I had a great time, I was a little delayed, but nothing to complain about. There is so much more room on a train. I could get up and walk, my bags fit with no problem, and it was an enjoyable experience.

On the way home was a different story. It was not as enjoyable. I missed my connection by 15 minuets when I should have had a significant layover. Now, Amtrak did put me on the next train, however, there was no compensation for the delay. I do feel that if a person is that late for a connection because they were delayed on a different train there should have been a voucher or something. Nothing huge, but 20 people missed their connections. I was at Union Station almost 4 hours. I ended up buying snack and Dinner at Union station. If the train had been on time I would have been home to eat diner. I had to continually text my ride to keep them updated. At one point the response to my text was "there are no words anymore" this was after I had updated on yet another delay.

Now, please understand the people on the train were awesome, they were doing their best. My complaint has nothing to do with them. The conductors and staff did their best to help me out. :) Kudos to them.

This is just part 1. School starts tomorrow.