You were loved

Suicide.

Its a taboo word.

Its a phrase most  think will never affect their lives

The are wrong.

Suicide.

A permanent solution to a perceived permanent problem.

Someone I considered my older brother committed Suicide.

I am not sure how to process it.

He was a man of strong faith, of service to his country, a love of family …

Yet he committed Suicide

Those of us he left behind will mourn and wonder

But in the end all I can say is 

Rest in Peace my dear Friend. 

Audacious!!!

I attended the Beth Moore Simulcast,
"Living Proof Live", today. It was about being  Audacious, which  does not mean what you think it means.

What a powerful event! I am SO glad I decided to go. Yes, I had my toes stepped on many times but, what she said was important,and more importantly it was the TRUTH!

I might try to sum up what I learned tomorrow afternoon.

For Now, May God grant you the courage to be Audacious!

Pax

Mid Week Recap

The first part of the week has been fairly calm.. Except for one SMALL detail..

My sister got a part time job,that is a good thing. It is the night shift and its close to home . However, that means that my mom and I are the childcare for the 10mtn old and the 5 year old.

This is not what  I thought we would be doing .. its ok, but we are going to have t adjust .

This semester is going to be intense. Not like last year, this year is more" hands up",there is a plethora of things to keep straight. I have my schedule color coded and I'm not sure that it will be enough. I am planning on staying at school late 2 days a week to try to study. It is a challenge to do here with the baby and her brother.

I have trouble focusing on studying for school and ignoring the baby, when I know in less than 9 months, I will be graduating and Hopefully moving.

Todays post brought to you by my friend COFFEE. I am going to be drinking many cups this semester. :)

Pax

Finals&1year anniversary

I have no time to post about finals .

1 have 1 more to go. I can do this!


On a Different note.

It has been a year since my Mom lost her hearing. I am so proud of her. She continues to learn and  just keeps moving forward. Yes, I am an adult, but she is still my Mommy.
I have continued to learn ASL, she has withdrawn from the program because of the nerve damage that occurred at the same time as her hearing loss. I keep practicing my homework  with her at home so she learns more ASL.


I don't feel as stressed about leaving now. When she 1st lost her hearing, I thought I would never feel comfortable enough to leave home again. I was wrong. I feel like she has enough independence now for the most part that I can leave home when I graduate. My Dad is getting better at understanding all the nuances of deafness in my mom. (yes I did leave deafness lowercase, he isn't in the Deaf community, but mom is...) I feel like now they can cope, last year I wasn't so sure.

Life has been a rollercoaster this year, and while there were ups and downs, I am learning to be thankful in all of it. (its not easy). Soon I will add one more update to make it clear why this was not the easiest year for me. Soon.

To my family who might be reading this: Thank you for your support and understanding through these transitions.

 

Sunday

Today was great, mostly. God is awesome. The good: I went to 2 church services today ( one Hearing, one Deaf) .

The Not so great, I went to visit a friend in the nursing home,( he has been living in an assisted living facility)  it was difficult, but it was right. He is in his 90's. Today he looked every one of his 90+ years. He almost seemed ready to go Home (heaven).
 I would love to say that he will live forever , but lets be honest... He is a great man of faith and I will miss him when he goes. But there will be a party in paradise when he gets there.

Moving on.. happier thought:
Deaf Church
Before church "started" we had a little fellowship time. I was so glad to be back.
I couldn't stay at Deaf church the entire time tonight, because, it was movie night. The movie? " Heaven is for Real" We had to leave about half way through. One person teasingly told me: I was spoiling my moms fun. They told me "I could leave her there and go do my homework." My response? "How is she going to get home?"  She came home with me.

The people at Deaf church are some of the most wonderful Christians I have ever met. They support one another and  pray for one another. I had missed Deaf church since the Christmas party due to various things. I walked in and it was like I have been AWOL. Questions/comments included :Where were you? I'm so happy you are back. Everything ok? People were asking about you.  ( I love Deaf people, they tend to be blunt, if you are gone and they are involved in your life... Its awesome)

My homework wasn't bad and I have studied for the quiz.

All in all today was good. Soon I will have to write about the bad... but not yet.

Pax to all.

I know...

I know I have been lax about writing recently. The 1st couple of weeks of school were not easy . I don't say this as an excuse, just a fact.

Today I got to meet up with an old friend that I haven't seen in close to 9 years. God is awesome. We talked and talked, it felt like we had never been apart. It was so wonderful to be able to speak my mind and heart with worrying about judgment or condemnation. I hadn't realized how much I had missed her. We talked about her life and some things she is dealing with, and how God is doing incredible things in the background even if we can't always see it.  We talked about change, family and of course Faith.  We both have struggles that are similar but very different. I gave her some counsel, learned, on my end, the hard way. I wouldn't trade the learning process,but if I can help her avoid some of the painful steps along the way....

God is good, and I am grateful for his Grace.

Pax

Easter ect

Lent is over
Easter Came :) Thank YOU

How did your giving up or taking up go?

I discovered I don't really like coffee, its ok, but I would rather drink hot coco-
 go figure

We had a good Easter service, and the breakfast was yummy(Thank you), the kids enjoyed their Easter egg hunt. The minions(and mini-minions) did a great job with their parts. I was grateful we did not have Sunday School.

Next Weekend , I have a Sunday off, I got a sub for my class and I am not attending my home church. (shocking)thought sarcastically.

Taxes are done, paid and now to plan for summer.
There may be a few cross country trips with mom. We are going to look at Universities,maybe visit a few friends. :)

The dear Hubby has 1 extra scheduled day off in July, (we already have the date) and I already have an idea what we are going to do :) Cabins/camping/relaxing- no technology. This could be interesting.

There is a craft fair on the 3rd of May . I am excited to see how it goes.
I am still working on finding a paying job. Only part time. God will provide.

Timing is everything

I wrote this about 2 weeks ago. I was not going to post it at all but maybe it will help someone .

1 Final Appointment

A final appointment to keep have I

The time and location unknown

If I could make the appointment, I would be old and grey

But it is not my appointment to make

God picks the time and place

Some people’s appointments come way to soon-

 for those of us left behind

But your timing is perfect, timeless and divine

If I could change the appointment time, I’m not sure that I would

For if you call me for my appointment, it’s for your greater good

I hope my family misses me, when my turn does come, it’s true

But I am sure I will see them in the kingdom and I will celebrate with you.

 No, I am not ill. We had a young man in our church die, I was at the hospital with his family. It was not written for him,but it was shared at his funeral. 

This is an original work.

Please Do not Reproduce without permission

Written March 14, 2014